Dads are one half of the expectant couple but oftentimes pregnancy can feel like its all-about-mum; making it a strange and surreal time for fathers-to-be…

In the beginning, it’s likely you were party to a few deep-and-meaningful conversations about starting a family; then there was the deed itself – you were definitely involved in that bit (woo-hoo!) – Then you hear those all-important words “I think I might be pregnant” or “I missed my period” and next comes the pregnancy test!

Yes, those minutes seem like the longest in eternity as you and your beloved sit staring at a stick she just peed on! Love is…! Suddenly, there it is – the magic word/line/plus sign – and you realise that this is really happening; you’re going to have a baby!

Hopefully this is good news for both of you – what you’ve been trying for. You hug, you kiss – you hug again! You feel excited, of course, but all at once you feel the overwhelming responsibility hit you – you’re going to be a Dad! But you can’t tell anyone…not until the 12-week scan…you don’t want to risk jinxing it – just in case. So then that’s it! You go to work the next day as though nothing has changed but the truth is – everything has changed – and you can’t talk to anyone about it until you get home!

For Dads, pregnancy can be a strangely isolating time. You’re invested in the future of your family but you feel a bit like a spare part. Whilst your partner is growing a baby, changing shape, feeling it kick (I know there’s all the other stuff as well – it’s not a bed of roses); your life goes on pretty much unaltered.

How fathers-to-be can feel more included

  • Go along to antenatal checks – often the midwife will use a device to listen to the baby’s heart beat which helps to make it real – it’s also a great time to ask questions
  • Attend the scans – usually two scans are offered during pregnancy, one about 12 weeks and one around 20 weeks. To actually see your baby moving can be amazing; not to mention how supported your partner may feel
  • Talk/sing to your growing baby – your unborn baby starts to hear sounds from around 18 weeks. By 24 weeks their hearing has become more sensitive and from about 26 weeks you might even be able to notice your baby move in response to loud noise or your voice
  • pregnancy-pregnant-mom-dadFeeling your baby move – anytime from month 5 onward, it might be possible for you to feel the baby moving by placing your hands or cheek onto your partner’s belly. The best time to witness your baby moving is just before bedtime when they are usually most active; and towards the end of the pregnancy you’ll likely be able to see them move!
  • Go to antenatal classes – these classes are not just for mums-to-be; the father’s role in both the birth and postnatally are being covered more and more. The involvement of dads is greater on some courses than others, so it’s worth shopping around. Research shows that the most important topics for dads-to-be include: fathers’ role and relationship changes; how to support their partners; how to parent together; paternal depression; how to cope with crying and how to communicate with their baby
  • Talk to your partner – discuss what is happening with your partner so that you can feel more involved with the pregnancy and share the bonding experience with your baby
  • Talk to other dads/dads-to-be – find others who are going through or have been through what you are experiencing. You will soon realise you are not alone and that many of your concerns are echoed by those you talk to. Spending time with other dads will help you to focus on what happens when your baby arrives and all that is good (and not so good) about fatherhood!

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